You poor dear. You're in such a difficult position and if, ghod forbid, he passes on there'll be all this guilt for those thoughts. My mother died when I was 15 and I still feel guilty for all the resentment and things I failed to do for her.
Hopefully he'll come to realize that being bedridden has too many drawbacks and will make the effort to get out of bed (preferably before he drives you completely crazy).
Wish I could do something to make it better *sigh*

Hugs
Shakatany

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Thanks for the kind thoughts

I think I can manage the guilt. Mum died from a slow (8 months) decline from a stroke about 11 years ago (and conincidentally its her birthday). We did the whole home health care thing with her (although to hear dad tell it - he did it all) and with her I had no regretes, I did for her while she was here instead of wailing about it after she was gone - I'm sad that my last memories of them will be in such bad shape but with mum time has been kind and the memories of her when she didn't know me are far less vivid than of the dynamo she was when I was growing up.

Hopefully he has a couple more years in him but the quality of that life is largely going to be in his hands - at least physically, his mind is starting to slip and that worries me as I know he won't be happy if he ends up in a long term care facility, he's too set in his ways.

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When I was 10, my mother too had a stroke and died 5 years later when they operated on her to try to fix her heart. I was really too young to understand and behaved pretty badly which haunts me to this day.

Good luck with your father

More hugs
Shakatany

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That sucks. I can completely empathise. Are you going to be getting any help from your sibs? If not with time, at least are they going to help financially? After all, he's their father, too. I hope things start looking up for you.

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