| Yes, I'm alive. And how are you? |
[Aug. 5th, 2006|11:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Dogs Amoung The Bushes - The Chieftains | ] |
It is smack in the middle of the three week waiting period before we find out just how effective the treatments were on the cancer. Dad seems pretty blasé about it but I think that part of that is just him being relieved that he wasn't in pain. This intense radiaition didn't have the debilitating effects of chemo so if provided that the out come is good things are working out better than expected. Of course he had been so inactive since the PT stopped he is walking worse than when he broke the hip.
The oldest nephew tried to kill himself and has checked himself into a facility. I worry about him a lot but can't help thinking he is safer being away from the Sister-In-Law. She called dad and told him and also asked him to talk to my brother about how much she needs money and cried at the poor bewildered 82 year old long enough for the battery on his cordless to die and disconnect the call. I was in the house but didn't know this was going on until she called back. She asked to speak with him and I said to wait as he would have to come to the phone, she said don't bother she just wanted to tell him she had thought about it (in the thirty seconds since the disconnect) and did not want him to speak with brother since he would not give her the money because he does not care. She then asked me if there was any mental illness in our family. Apparently I said no too calmly be cause she said, "you say that so calmly" – can I point out I am not Laura Owens – I did not call her Medea, I did not point out her own behavior as being an indication she should look a bit closer to home for mental illness, not did I say that her killing herself would be the best thing she could do for all four children - I stayed out of it just like my mother taught me and the bitch said, "thanks for caring so much" hung up on me.
I had a long talk with brother because Dad called him (just like the maniupulative bitch knew he would) and told him everything. The S-I-L called his voice mail and told him about their son's suicide attempt (she's so caring and feeling – when other people do stuff like that they're cruel, but she's special) she could have called him directly, she apparently knew when she had met him to pick up their youngest daughter who despite the court ordering her to let him see she has not let near since January and threatened that if he made any fuss about it she would say he molested her.
SIL pulled over $200,000 out of their business last year, she borrowed over $20,000 from her mom, she is hitting my dad up using the kids drug problems, eating disorders and depression as the reason. She did spend $60,000 to send the oldest to rehab in Arizona for a month, but pulled him out early to attend his daughter's christening (he missed the conecting flight in Las Vegas and later bragged about picking up some hookers and shooting up with them) She insisted on sending the daughter back to college despite her having to drop out for health reasons, despite my brother (or knowing her because) suggesting it would be better for the oldest girl to get concentrat on getting her weight to and maintaining it at a healty level before exposing her to the pressures of college (that was a $20,000 stay at the Renfrew Center in Philidelphia).
They have been living apart now for almost five years, give or take a botched reconcilliation attempt. I have known her since she was sixteen. She always had… childish impulses – a selfishness that my mother said she would outgrow but about eight or nine years ago she had a miscarrige before the birth of their youngest (seven year old) I don't know if that event caused a chemical imbalance or if it brought forth an unhealty need to control herself and the people around her but she has this pathilogical need to re-write events and force those around her to agree with her. Every one of the older three children are at points where if they do not take hard looks at themselves, face hard truths like you life is your own and your actions have concequences, blaming others or the world or their father for everything is going to weaken them and make them more depend on the very things that are killing them
It's a train wreak. A slow motion nightmare where people you love won't save themselves and they are the only ones who can. Crying and screaming and placing blame is just bogging them down more and making it far less likely that they will every be able to survive the various forms of self medication and oblivion they are using to not face just how much hard work suvival often requires.
Personally I have been kind of goofing off, playing Civilization (look away its addictive) and watching the Food network. I finished chapter 26 of Reconcilliation, I'm letting it sit to proof so I don't have as many glaring errors. The great computer debalck where I moved the file contain that story and all kinds of other stuff into the electonic abyss was tramatic but not fatal. I bought a program online (probably financing terrorism since I couldn't even recognize the country that showed up on my credit card) It retireved a ton of old Word docs – mostly stuff from when I was working on my MBA but I got some of my Reconcilliation notes. I lost all of the research I did on the 80's along with the giant 4 year callender a had of years 82 – 86 for the story (what you think its easy to keep trak of weekends, holidays, birthdays, the estimate of just when Lizzie was to arrive???)
I joined Weight Watchers – I've lost about 13 pounds in 5 weeks, which okay Atkins was faster but I didn't really follow that just cut carbs and ruined my health. I feel at my age I have to take better care of myself, my hips and knees were hurting. I'm eating veggies, everyday – yuck. I am also trying for 2 servings of dairy every day. I was in a fenderbender and have to call my insurance company to find out how much that will cost me. For my mental health I've been taking any time off they offer at work but since it is without pay I'm kind of broke – but happy. The heat fininaly broke so I wandered around my little town today and had visions of Farmingdale everywhere.
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| Comments: |
From: ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) senseofpeace
2006-08-05 04:53 pm (UTC)
So glad to see that you're back! | (Link)
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I missed you! I am one of your Reconciliation fans. I periodically check your LJ to see how your RL is going. I am keeping you in my thoughts, you have really been going through a tough time these past months. ((big hug)). Anyway, you're a wonderful talent who told such a sweet story, despite everything that was going on in your RL. I appreciate your sharing Reconciliation with all of us. Much love.
Hi, wordsmith, it's so nice to have you back again. I've really missed you and your wonderful story. I'm sorry that your personal life is so painful, but you make it sound entertaining enough for a story in its own right.
I have a special request, if it doesn't interfere with your story line. Jake is fairly verbal and articulate, but Heph is pretty closed-mouthed and he keeps up his stoic personna even during the sex scenes. We've heard him say only one thing. When Jake said, "You feel so good," Heph replied, "You have no idea." That's a positive, appreciative (and verbally humorous) statement, but it lacks detail. Can you write a segment in which we get to know what Heph thinks and feels during sex, even if he doesn't say it aloud?
Judy
Wow. Lots of stuff going on for you.... Family is like that: they will constantly amaze you by their depths, good and bad. :)
I'm glad you got your files back! :) And regarding the proofreading, I'd be more than glad to beta read for you!!! :) :) :)
Take care,
Wendy
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/41721309/9264827) | From: k_tinxx
2006-08-06 08:20 pm (UTC)
Way To Go! | (Link)
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Good to see you in lj land again! Three cheers to you for joining the WW program! I hope it'll do you heaps of good. It's supposed to be a very protective and supportive environment.
I have been checking your journal regularly, worrying about you. I'm glad to hear you sound as strong and in charge as ever. I am holding my thumbs for you and your folks and look forward to chapter 26.
Welcome back, wordsmithslash!
From: simone_42
2006-08-10 02:21 am (UTC)
Ecstatic to see you back! | (Link)
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Hey Wordsmithslash-
I know you mentioned that you have a regular beta who proofs your work, but in your message above, it sounds like you are proofing your own work right now. Because I really enjoy your story and appreciate you sharing it with us, I would be happy to assist with proofing if that would be at all helpful to you. Let me know, I would love to be able to give back in some way. Jen.
Just so you know someone's thinking about you. :)
Congrats on the 13 pounds lost! I do weight watchers too and let me tell you, the progress may be slow but the outcome is worth it!! The story of yours I like best is The Scourge of The New World and I was wondering if and when you were going to update it?? Please?!
~~Jellybean521 (aka Magic5ange21) | |
